I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
