that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
