Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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