he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
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Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize