Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Someone came in the potted fern
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
