woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
