he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
