So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
