I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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