how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
