I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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