Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My vagina is officially offended.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
