Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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