could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
How naked do you want me to be?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
