Have you finally orgasmed yet?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
