Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
