im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
