is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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