i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
