he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
