I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
