I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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