Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
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Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you made out with another girl for some wings
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OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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