so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
