when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
