fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
