Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
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Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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