My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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