My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
a search helicopter?!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
There are leaves in my underwear?
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