I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
