my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize
