there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
