You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
