I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
