Need sex. Gaining weight.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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