I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
