i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So much Jack, so little girl.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
