You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
