Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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