Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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