i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
