Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
