After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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