I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
