i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize