Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
