I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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