eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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