Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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