Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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