This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
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I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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