this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
should my penis look like a turkey
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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