We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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