You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
