I met the friendliest cop last night
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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