Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Couch. On fire.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
