i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
