HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
