Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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