My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
