Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
